there has been nothing normal about the past six weeks. i cant think of one thing that was commonplace about this season of my life.
at the end of april, there was the largest cluster of tornadoes in history that struck all around me. those five days without power were glorious as i met new friends and was reminded of what was important. those five days were also awful as i remembered how selfish and inwardly-focused i am. it was a time of extreme joy as i was able to serve alongside of dear friends and loving students to serve and do whatever was needed to help those who had their lives ripped apart by the storms. i also experienced such strange ebbs of emotions including guilt, shame, frustration, exhaustion, helplessness, greed, joy, gratitude, abandonment, confusion, and on and on. it was a most unique set of a few weeks. one i hope i do not soon forget. i still am not sure what i am to do with the mounting questions and continued guilt because of all i have when so many so close to me have so little and have lost so much.
during the middle of may, i was distracted from basic disaster relief efforts to celebrate and reflect on a very special group of students. we graduated around 70 seniors from our youth ministry, many of which i have known for the past six years. i started working at asbury in may of 2005 and these students were the ones who were 7th graders when i started with them. a lot of them have spent countless nights at my house over the years just hanging out, patiently teaching me guitar or rambling about whatever teenage-junk was in their heads. i know i have learend more from them than vice versa. it is a very weird and new emotion to reflect back on how quickly their stay in youth ministry goes by. i remember the mistakes more than the joys. probably not healthy but its true. it is beautiful to see what Jesus will do with students and in and for and with them when they give themselves fully to His cause. i look forward to many years of ministering alongside many of them. it is so much sweeter to witness dozens of high school graduates ’waste’ their lives on seeking Christ then pursuing what anything this culture defines as success. i also finished my 7th of 12 seminary classes – late because of the tornadoes but nevertheless, it got done and im am joyfully thankful to say that i am off of school for the summer.
in early june i was able to take a few moments and breathe at the past nine years. it was those few short years ago that i first met Jesus. i wasnt coerced or drugged or brainwashed. it was and continues to be a beautiful and exciting experience waking up to God each moment. i now know that He knew me well before i first gazed onto His beauty. thank you psalm 139. i am grateful for His movement in my life. i only wish that i could smile with Him more and hide from my failures less. i dont know how to process the next nine years. thats probably a good thing. we also received around 70 new rising 7th graders into our youth ministry. i can truly say that this bunch of kiddos has more energy and excitement about Jesus and His Scriptures than any group yet. i remember letting the question run through my brain of whether or not i will last another six years with them. it would be a beautiful thing to watch God move in their lives for the next six years but i cannot comprehend what Jesus has for me. wow. how few moments we have to shape and guide and love the next generation.
it is currently mid june and i am just now able to take a breath or three and slow down. and slow down. and slow down. i have forgotten what those words mean. i just spent the weekend in memphis celebrating the marriage of a dear friend of mine. this was quite special to me because he was the first student who became buddies with me when i was in high school. we ran cross country together and hung out even before i knew Jesus. then i came to know Christ and started leading his ninth grade guys small group when i was a senior in high school. nine years later i am watching him giggle with his bride at the altar. forget how awesome the wedding and reception were. forget how sweet it was to play with old friends and dance and enjoy a weekend away from home. forget how awesome staying at the peabody hotel was. those were all awesome and it was a blast. but its not what i want to hold on to from this weekend the most. i want to always remember how beautiful it was to see God truly unite two people through Himself for a greater calling and ministry together to advance the goodness of God. the icing on this wedding cake is that my bud is going to start as a full-time youth minister at his church in a few weeks. to be able to share life with him as a friend and brother and to know his heart and to celebrate that he will be the one caring about a new generation of students – thats where its at. i dont think youth ministry can get much sweeter than this. to see the full circle and to know that God is using this guy and his new bride to shape another generation of kids is the most beautiful and humbling thing i have had the honor to witness.
i dont know what will come next. sure the calendar is full and ive got plans here and there and everywhere. but i dont know what will come next. i dont know when the next tornado or milestone or season for reflection will come. i only know that i am grateful that God is with me. that i am not alone in this season and that He works all things out for the good of those who love Him. thank you romans 8:28. may i learn to love Him more completely and joyfully each day. amen.
