mark barofsky :: online

i just got home from Back-to-School Retreat 2010. i have been in this place many times before. this was my 8th or 9th B2SR. i have been in this state of tension after the storm many times before. i have been in silence after being around hundreds of people for 50 hours straight many times before. i have been here before.

but this time its different.

no really.

this time its different. im not sure what just happened. so i will just start typing what i am thankful for.

thankful for what i saw. thankful for what i heard. thankful for what i felt (its okay – guys can have feelings too, just dont tell anyone). thankful for what i experienced. of course, what i remember now is not close to a summary. experiences can never really be repeated anyway. watching the video or reading a blog wont recreate the experience of this weekend. so of course my thoughts are incomplete and inadequate. i reckon its part of the down side of being human and all. but i know there are things worth being thankful for.

and i dont want to forget them. not yet.

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thank You God that almost 400 teenagers and 80+ adults heard the truth about your Beloved Jesus. whether they have heard it before or not. whether they wanted to hear it or not. thanks that You still are worth talking about.

thank You for the dozens and dozens of adults who are partners in ministry with me. i cannot imagine – seriously i dont know how to imagine it in my brain – being involved in youth ministry and going it alone. that must like suck big time. so thanks Jesus that there are old people that want teenagers to know and experience Jesus more than they want to sleep. thanks that i am not alone in this. i truly believe that there are a handful of those old guys (and girls) who would go to battle with me wherever i was headed. bar fights – baptist churches – wherever You led us.

and i gotta add thanks Jesus for the challenge of the few adults who get excited about petty things and still remind me that i am not here to please them but You. thanks for not letting me forget what is most important.

Jesus thank You for reminding me about forgiveness and grace and freedom that allows me to not be bound by anger and resentment and frustration and stupid emotion.

thanks for the college kids who were students in the youth min just a few years ago. and now they are serving a new generation of youth. it is the sweetest thing ever to see You move in these guys and challenge them into ministry. to be able to walk next to them as they minister is overwhelmingly joyous.

God thank You for working through hormonal obnoxious teenagers. thank You for the talents You give them and for their faithfulness to waste them on Your Kingdom. thank You that You call things that are not as though they were and You take what was dead and breathe life into death. thanks that You dont think any of us are second string.

Jesus thank You for students who are intentionally positioning themselves in ways that allow them to be used for Your Kingdom. and God thanks that Your Kingdom is bigger than fathom or asbury. wow. yeah amen to that.

thank You that we are all pastors anyway and You dont care about resumes or age or abilities.

thank You for parents who want their kids to be holy more than they want their kids to be happy.

Jesus thank You for laughter. Jesus thank You for laughter. Jesus thank You for laughter.

God thank You that we are no longer in a place where a performance or fancy lights or ‘getting something out of it’ or even just petty fun - is our priority and heartbeat. God thank You that i am in a place of ministry that i never saw coming. thank You that i am not stuck in a normal youth ministry. thank You that i dont work for a normal youth pastor who just wants a normal, safe youth program that makes normal, safe church-attenders. God thank You that You demand weirdness. and thanks for obedience. wherever that comes from .

thanks Jesus that i know longer feel a need for everything to be perfect in order for it to be right.

thank You that things werent perfect this weekend, and in that imperfection, You reminded me that You are Perfection. it is really just in You that i wanted to be the whole time anyway. sorry i forgot that.

Jesus thank You that You are moving in a way that looks a whole lot like i am working myself out of job. i know ive been asking You for that for the past five years, but i didnt believe You actually would get me here already.

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i was listening to a song by coldplay as i was driving home after the retreat. the lyrics say ‘now my feet wont touch the ground. now my head wont stop. you wait a lifetime to be found. now my feet wont touch the ground. now my feet wont touch the ground.’

thats exactly how i felt most of the weekend. and how i feel right now. i think i am most excited about this because i know that the truth of what i experienced is not a fleeting church-retreat emotion, but a spiritual reality that is taking root in my soul and is reflected by the tension of imperfection in which i find Jesus most often.

thank You Jesus.